


the dancer she will always be

by random_chick



Category: Black Swan (2010)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-21
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-05 09:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1092160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/random_chick/pseuds/random_chick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's easy to put things back together. Sometimes not so much. In this case, it's worth the effort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the dancer she will always be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [osprey_archer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/osprey_archer/gifts).



Lily does everything because Nina’s too afraid to leave the apartment they share -- unless it’s for work. Oddly enough, work is the only time Nina Sayers _ever_ leaves home, unless it’s when Lily’s dragging her out -- sometimes forcibly -- to one of her psychiatrist appointments. And Lily is twistedly amused by this, because her roommate isn’t even dancing anymore -- she’s a waitress at a crappy little dive tucked away in a shadowy part of town that isn’t _quite_ the bad part but is close enough when it’s late at night.

But at least she’s _working_ , is Lily’s opinion on the matter. Lily isn’t exactly thrilled that she has to do every damn thing if it involves going _anywhere_ , but at least she doesn’t have to support the two of them financially. She would, if she had to -- she and Nina are friends now, after their uneasy awkwardness before Nina’s unfortunate breakdown -- but she doesn’t make much money herself. Between the two of them, though, they manage.

Lily finishes the grocery shopping in record time, getting it home and putting it away and barely managing to make it to work on time. She apologizes to her boss, even though she’s not actually late, but she’s been late so many times before that the apology falls from her lips like a habit she can’t break.

It’s a short shift for Lily at the coffee shop she’s worked at for months, which she’s grateful for because it’s one of those days where she’s feeling angry and stifled. She gave up ballet for Nina, to be there for the girl who was her sometimes-friend, sometimes-enemy, because nobody _else_ would be. She still remembers the screaming matches she had with Nina’s mother in the hospital hallway over the way the bitch abandoned Nina when everything went down the way it did. So as soon as Nina was out of the hospital and well enough -- subjectively speaking, anyway -- Lily had convinced her to move to the not-quite-bad part of town.

Because there is _no_ way Nina’s mother would ever venture into _this_ world. It’s too dark, too dim, too unsavory. The woman is too much of a smothering, manipulative bitch and if she so much as _thinks_ about coming near Nina, Lily will put her foot up the other woman’s tightly clenched ass without so much as a second thought.

As soon as Lily can bolt out the door, she does, and instead of going home she just… walks. Walks, and walks, without any destination in mind, until she ends up in front of a familiar diner. She’s angry at herself for a minute, because she’s feeling resentful for giving everything up to help her friend, but as she stands there and looks in the window and watches Nina move with all the grace of the dancer she will always be at heart, Lily’s resentment melts away and she feels stupid and selfish and guilty.

Because Nina looks happy, genuinely _happy_ for the first time since before everything, and if it took some inconveniencing on Lily’s part to make that happen, then how can Lily complain?

 

Nina drops a plate off at a table, chirps cheerfully at another that she’ll be right back with their order, and dances off towards the kitchen once more. Literally dances, with a twirl and something that’s an abbreviated jump because there isn’t really enough room but it still feels _good_ to move, to dance, even if she’s no longer part of the ballet world.

She takes the next set of plates and moves back towards the table, no leaps or twirls this time but with the grace she’ll never shake infusing every step.

“Sorry about the wait,” she says with a gentle smile as she sets the plates down in quick succession, getting it right on the first try -- it’s a good day, a clear day, she hasn’t mixed anything up yet and her shift’s nearly over. “It’sbeen a little busy in here today.”

The customers don’t actually say anything but give her content smiles as one of them digs into his food and the other, the woman in the couple, gives Nina a little lift of her coffee cup in greeting. Nina doesn’t mind this, it’s still a positive and appreciative response, and it hits her that she really _is_ doing well today. On her bad days, the lack of verbal response would have made her paranoid and worried.

“Anything else I can get you?” she asks.

The man and woman both shake their heads.

“Well, if that changes, I’ll be around.” She grins, because of course she will -- in a tiny hole-in-the-wall diner where you have to wait tables and clear them off yourself, she’s always around doing something or other.

She glides off, towards an empty table in her section, swiping the tip off the table and pocketing it without counting -- she knows the customers are still in the diner, up at the register, and even if they’re not watching her, it’s still just _rude_ to count. She thinks it was a five, though, from the glimpse she caught. But she’ll count it later, in the kitchen. Some of the waitresses will count right then and there, but Nina’s a good girl and good girls don’t do rude things. (Okay, so _some_ of the lessons her mother taught her stuck and this one’s even kind of appropriate, so she doesn’t mind that this bit of her mother’s influence has still stuck with her.)

Nina’s about to grab plates and walk them back to the kitchen when she glances towards the front window and sees someone looking in. A real someone, not a hallucination.

Lily.

It figures and doesn’t surprise her. She always knows when Lily’s around, when Lily’s watching her. When Nina’s having a good day she knows it’s because she’s attracted to Lily -- even if she doesn’t know how to _deal_ with that fact. When she’s having a bad day, she blames it on the fact that they’re forever tied together.

She waves to Lily and motions her in. Lily shakes her head and motions that she’ll stay outside. Nina pouts and Lily sighs; that’s when Nina knows she’s won. Sort of.

Because Lily just sticks her head in and yells, “Nina! You off soon?”

“Some tables to clear and I just dropped an order off at a table -- “ She glances back at the kitchen window. “ -- and no orders up, so… half an hour?”

“I’ll walk you home!” And then Lily bops back out of the diner as quickly as she’d poked her head in.

Nina turns a faint shade of red; she knows half the staff thinks that Lily is her secret girlfriend, but nobody seems upset by it, so she’s not going to disabuse them of the notion. A little selfish, perhaps, but it’s not like Lily doesn’t know -- they’ve giggled over the fact together before. So Nina figures it’s okay, even if it’s selfish.

With a soft, silly smile on her face, Nina dances back into the routine of her job.

 

It’s cold out, but Lily doesn’t mind. She does a little window shopping -- the diner’s not far from a couple cute little shops, because it’s the not-quite-bad part of town, not the _actually_ bad part of town, and really it’s more dark and quirky than bad.

She’s back outside the diner just in time to meet up with Nina as the other girl comes out, zipping up her jacket.

“Good day?” Lily asks as they begin to walk.

“Not bad,” Nina replies. “Didn’t mix anything up once.”

“Paranoia? Delusions? Hallucinations?” Lily grills.

“No, no, and no.” Nina grins. “It was a _good_ day, Lily.”

“How’d you make out on tips?” Lily asks. “And can I say you’re a lucky bitch for getting to keep all your tips?” She had to share with her fellow baristas, a couple of whom were lucky they still had jobs.

“Little over a hundred dollars,” Nina says, her eyes bright. “Would’ve been less, but I had that nice couple with the really rambunctious little boy and he knocked into the tray and knocked everything all over me and they felt _so_ bad that they left me a thirty-dollar tip and helped me clean stuff up and made him apologize to me and everyone whose orders he’d ruined.”

Lily laughs. “Now that? Is _awesome_ parenting.”

Nina thinks of her own upbringing, says nothing. She won’t darken the mood. Won’t ruin the best day she’s had in weeks.

“So…” she begins, uncertain. “I was thinking. You know that Mexican place we both like?”

“The one we order from like twice a week? The one where the staff knows me by name I’m in to pick up stuff so often and where they sneak me free orders of tortilla chips?” Lily says, teasing to tamp down the resentment trying to rise. She refuses to ruin Nina’s good day by bringing on a fight. They can fight some other time.

“That’s the one.” Nina bites her lip, chews a second. “I was thinking… maybe we could go there for dinner tonight.”

Lily stops in her tracks, making Nina stop as well, and looks at her. “You mean order from there?”

“No, I mean actually _go_ there.” Nina’s uncomfortable but she presses on. “I did really good in tips today, so we should celebrate.”

“We don’t have to go out, though,” Lily says, even though she’s proud of Nina for offering, proud beyond belief.

“No, I want to,” Nina insists. “It’s a place I like, so I’ll feel comfortable.”

“And if you don’t, we can leave,” Lily promises.

Nina grins, then her grin falters as she hesitates. She wants to ask Lily something but doesn’t know how to find the words, doesn’t know how to say it right, doesn’t know how to not screw things up. “Lily?”

“Yeah?” Lily arches an eyebrow.

“Wear something pretty?”

There’s no mistaking the hopeful look in Nina’s eyes. Lily grins, punches her in the arm affectionately. “For you, I’ll wear something positively sexy and we can make everybody in the room jealous.” Her smile turns mischevious. “I may even make out with you at the table, if you play your cards right.”

“I suck at cards.” Nina pouts.

“That’s okay, I’ll make out with you anyway,” Lily promises. Because really, she would and she will -- that’s part of the reason for the awkwardness and the fighting and the things not being all that easy sometimes. She wants Nina just as much as Nina wants her.

The only difference is, _she_ knows what to do about it.

And so she grabs Nina, pulls her in close for a fierce, not quite bruising kiss. “Or maybe I’ll just make out with you right here on the street.”

All Nina can do is grin breathlessly and whisper, “Please do.”


End file.
